Friday, March 12, 2010

Bottom 100 Movies of the Decade

I had fun throwing my Top 100 Movies of the Decade list together, so I figured, fuck it, let's make like Hollywood and do some quick turnaround on a much shoddier sequel. These are the 100 worst movies I saw released between the dates of January 1st, 2000 and December 31st, 2009. Unlike my worst of the year list, being a theatrical release isn't mandatory; all feature-length films qualify. Obviously there are tons and tons of shitty theatrical releases I don't see without even getting into the shocking amount of horrible comedy and B-horror peddled straight to DVD every single week, so I'm sure that if I saw all of that nothing beyond this list's top twenty or so would remain. But that's not to say that these movies aren't all really bad, because they are.

1. An American Carol
2. Manderlay
3. 18 Year Old Virgin
4. Dreamcatcher
5. Van Helsing
6. Babylon A.D.
7. Son of the Mask
8. FeardotCom
9. Disaster Movie
10. Date Movie
11. The Hot Chick
12. Soul Plane
13. The Stepford Wives
14. The Real Cancun
15. House of the Dead
16. Epic Movie
17. Bewitched
18. I Love You, Beth Cooper
19. Scary Movie
20. Norbit
21. Alexander
22. Havoc
23. Robots
24. Gigli
25. Taking Lives
26. Frostbite
27. Cruel Intentions 3
28. Mulholland Drive
29. Lady in the Water
30. Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life
31. A Walk to Remember
32. Fantastic Four
33. White Chicks
34. Final Destination 3
35. Grandma's Boy
36. Paparazzi
37. Whipped
38. Men in Black II
39. Super Size Me
40. Thumbsucker
41. The Tuxedo
42. Pokémon: The Movie 2000
43. You Got Served
44. King Arthur
45. The X-Files: I Want to Believe
46. Slackers
47. The Hillside Strangler
48. King Arthur
49. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
50. The Final Destination
51. Jason X
52. The Perfect Score
53. National Lampoon's Adam and Eve
54. Ace of Hearts
55. Thirteen Ghosts
56. Vertical Limit
57. Little Nicky
58. The Happening
59. The Cell
60. American Psycho II: All American Girl
61. Black Knight
62. The Time Machine
63. Digimon: The Movie
64. Original Sin
65. Year One
66. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
67. Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God
68. Easy
69. Along Came Polly
70. The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea
71. First Daughter
72. Team America: World Police
73. Pearl Harbor
74. Kissing on the Mouth
75. American Pie Presents: Band Camp
76. College
77. The Village
78. Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight
79. Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead
80. Babel
81. Osmosis Jones
82. Say It Isn't So
83. The 6th Day
84. The Notebook
85. Anger Management
86. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
87. Leatherheads
88. Daredevil
89. Cruel Intentions 2
90. Hollow Man
91. The Alamo
92. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
93. The Island
94. Sorority Row
95. 13 Going on 30
96. Timeline
97. The Producers
98. Reindeer Games
99. The Reader
100. Knowing

Runners-up: Get Carter, Tears of the Sun, Raising Helen, Post Grad, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Scream 3, Shark Tale, Hannibal, Dragonball Evolution, I Am Sam, Eragon, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Men of Honor, Charlie's Angels, American Pie Presents: The Book of Love, Hell Ride, Red Planet, Swimfan, The Da Vinci Code, Star Trek: Nemesis

Analysis: The actor with the collective highest-ranked films on each list is a tie between Morgan Freeman, starring in The Dark Knight (#2 best) and Dreamcatcher (#4 worst), and David Wenham, starring as Faramir in The Lord of the Rings (#1 best) and also in Van Helsing (#5 worst). The silver medal goes to Isaach De Bankolé, starring in Casino Royale (#6 best) and Manderlay (#2 worst), and the bronze, not counting Freeman a second time for Batman Begins, belongs to Willem Dafoe for his roles in Spider-Man 2 (#11 best) and Manderlay (#2 worst).

These are all supporting roles, however. The actor with the collective highest-ranked films in which he is the (debatable, in both cases) protagonist is Tommy Lee Jones for No Country for Old Men (#18 best) and Men in Black II (#38 worst). For an actor playing the lone, clear-cut, indisputable protagonist in each, it's Guy Pearce for Memento (#3 best) and The Time Machine (#62 worst).

Anne Hathaway is the only actress to expose her breasts on both lists, in Brokeback Mountain (#74 best) and Havoc (#22 worst).

The only directors with movies on each list are Martin Campbell, director of Casino Royale (#6 best) and Vertical Limit (#56 worst), and George Clooney, director of Good Night, and Good Luck (#27 best) and Leatherheads (#87 worst). Ron Howard also directed a runner-up on each list, Frost/Nixon on the best, The Da Vinci Code on the worst.

The two series to formally have entries on each list are Dungeons & Dragons (#23 best) and its sequel Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (#67 worst) and American Psycho (#38 best) and its sequel American Psycho II: All American Girl (#60 worst). In both cases the original was a theatrical release and the sequel straight-to-DVD. If you count runners-up, there's also Star Trek (#29 best) and Star Trek: Nemesis (runner-up worst), both theatrically released. I probably could have also found room for X-Men Origins: Wolverine on the worst list to match up against X2: X-Men United (#73 best), but I chose not to.

The most critically savaged film on my best list is Dungeons & Dragons (#23 best), with a 10% on Rotten Tomatoes. The most critically acclaimed film on my worst list is Super Size Me (#39 worst), with a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes.

The highest-grossing movie on my best list is Avatar (#70 best) with a worldwide box office total of $2,729,711,510, while the lowest-grossing is Funny Ha Ha (#17 best) with a worldwide box office total of $77,070. The highest-grossing movie on my worst list is Pearl Harbor (#73 worst) with a worldwide box office total of $449,220,945, unless you count runner-up The Da Vinci Code and its worldwide box office total of $758,239,851, while the lowest-grossing one on my worst list is impossible to say because many were released straight to DVD.

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