Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Wolfman

[Ed. Note: I struggled with how best to approach reviewing a movie that reaches new heights of mediocrity with the resounding success of Joe Johnston's The Wolfman. It's too dumb, dull, and generic to praise with any enthusiasm, but the aesthetics, acting, and effects are too competent to tear into with any relish. Its middlingness haunts me. So I have decided that the only way to appropriately review such a mediocre film is with an equally mediocre review; thereby, my review of The Wolfman is written in the form of a 4th grade book report by Timothy Kraemer, age 9.]

Hi! This is my movie report on The Wolfman. In the movie The Wolfman a man acted by Benicio Del Toro gets a bit by a werewolf while visiting his dad in England! He starts turning into a werewolf too when the moon turns full. It is bad when Benicio Del Toro turns into the werewolf because he goes crazy and hurts people by accident even if they are his friends when he is normal human.

Some of the special effects for the werewolf are kind of cool! But they are also like a lot of special effects I have seen before in other movies, so they aren't any better than in other movies. Emily Blunt is in the movie. She is supposed to be the girlfriend of the wolfman but it is corny. She is pretty. A detective who is Hugo Weaving comes to figure out who is the wolfman. He was in The Matrix! That movie is cool.

When the wolfman comes it is kind of cool when he kills people. But you do not know the people he kills very good so other than being cool it is not scary. It is not scary because you do not care who dies. It is bad when a movie that is a horror movie is not scary. Maybe it is an action movie. But the action scenes are dark and I could not see them good. I do not know what the movie type is.

It is cool that the movie is in England in 1891. There is a lot of fog and scary buildings. It had an old monster movie feel to it! But I think maybe the guy who made the movie was copying the settings of old monster movies because he didn't think his movie was good enough without copying things instead of trying to make new things.

In the end there is a big fight with two werewolfs. They are both of the werewolfs made out of special effects so it made me think of the fight between the werewolf and the vampire in Van Helsing. This made me feel bad.

In conclusion, I do not think that you should see The Wolfman because I did not think that it scared me or had super cool action. If you did see it it would be cool to see Hugo Weaving and to see the old London buildings, but that might not be cool enough to see the whole movie. This has been my movie report on The Wolfman

2 Stars out of 5

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