Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Top-Grossing Movie I Have Not Seen From Each of the Last Ten Years

Watching, discussing, pondering on, and writing about film is collectively by far my favorite hobby, and while I'm fine being out of the loop with other forms of pop culture it bothers me when there's a prominent dialogue going on about any film that I can't join in on. Maybe it's passionate fandom, maybe it's obsession, maybe it's a form of OCD, but every movie I haven't seen feels to me like an itch I need to scratch, even the ones I don't think I'll like.

But I can't see every movie, of course. That'd be an unrealistic waste of money and time. But I do see pretty much each and every "event" movie, the ones no one will shut up about, even if it's a Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen situation where most everything I'm hearing is about how much it sucks. I just gotta know what the deal is. Ergo, I was surprised while perusing Box Office Mojo's yearly gross charts to find that I actually failed to see the single highest-grossing movie of 2000, one of the only films along with 1987's Three Men and a Baby on that page I'm yet to get around to.

This got me curious what the highest grossing movie of each of the last ten years I haven't seen is, so I decided to do some (very quick and easy) research and post the results here.

2000: #1, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Why didn't I watch it? The movie that inspired this post. I decided not to see it because it looked like embarrassing kiddy crap. It's not that I'm opposed to seeing family films — I love Pixar same as anyone else and I've also seen a fair number of DreamWorks flicks — but there's a big difference between a family film and kids film. This seems very much the latter.

Do I ever plan on watching it? Not particularly, although I have seen most of director Ron Howard's work and I suppose that if I wanted to complete his filmography I'd have to. I'd probably still save it for last though.

2001: #16, Dr. Doolittle 2

Why didn't I watch it? I don't think I really need to explain this one. It's embarrassing enough that I actually have seen the first Eddie Murphy Dr. Doolittle from 1998. The interesting part of 2001 is less the highest-grossing movie I haven't seen than the fact that I saw all of the top fifteen grossers in theaters, a record unmatched by any other year. Shame that about ten of them are horrible movies.

Do I ever plan on watching it? I emphatically do not.

2002: #5, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Why didn't I watch it? I knew this movie was a hit, but I'm honestly a little surprised that it was this much of a hit. I don't really remember anyone I know talking about it, but then I was sixteen when it came out and heterosexual sixteen-year-old males rarely if ever gab about wedding movies. I suppose the subject matter just didn't interest me.

Do I ever plan on watching it? But I don't want to blame it all on age because I'm a lot older than sixteen now and the subject matter still doesn't interest me. I suppose I might watch it if they put it on Netflix View Instantly just to see what the big deal was. It would pretty goddamn low on my to-do list, though.

2003: #10, Cheaper by the Dozen

Why didn't I watch it? Kiddy crap.

Do I ever plan on watching it? No.

2004: #9, National Treasure

Why didn't I watch it? Honestly? I have no idea. I know the reviews weren't great but it's still pretty weird and unlike me to miss out on an Indiana Jones-inspired action-adventure flick with Sean Bean playing the villain, especially since I was living in a dorm directly across the street from a multiplex at the time it was released. Compounding the mystery, I actually did see 2007's Sean Beanless sequel, National Treasure: Book of Secrets. It was retarded.

Do I ever plan on watching it? Yeah, it's on my Netflix queue, hovering somewhere in the 20s or 30s.

2005: #9, Madagascar

Why didn't I watch it? Talking animal sitcom for babies.

Do I ever plan on watching it? Can't say that I do!

2006: #2, Night at the Museum

Why didn't I watch it? The trailers weren't offensively awful, but it definitely looked like one for the kids and only the kids. Funnily enough, it's directed by Shawn Levy, the same man who directed 2003's top-grossing unseen film, Cheaper by the Dozen. Shawn Levy is the grand maestro of movies I have no desire to watch.

Do I ever plan on watching it? If I had to I think I'd honestly rather watch the 2009 sequel Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. That one at least has Amy Adams in 1930s aviatrix pants as Amelia Earhart.

2007: #2, Shrek the Third

Why didn't I watch it? Shrek 2 left me cold and I assume this one was just more tired and redundant still.

Do I ever plan on watching it? Not really, but I suppose I'd rather watch it than Madagascar. Speaking of which...

2008: #8, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Why didn't I watch it? NOOOO

Do I ever plan on watching it? NOOOOOOOO

2009: #9, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Why didn't I watch it? NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do I ever plan on watching it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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