Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tim's Trailer Talk, Vol. 10

2010: Moby Dick

Chances of me seeing it: 10%. "I'd strike the sun if it insulted me!" If only Melville could have lived to see his vision brought so accurately to life.

Chances of me liking it: 1%. I watched Asylum's last aquatic monster movie, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and was unimpressed by what I saw. Not unimpressed in the "this is not quality cinema!" way, I obviously didn't expect that; I mean that it didn't even measure up to its "so bad it's good" comedic potential. It was mostly just boring. I expect more of the same from 2010: Moby Dick.

Beyond the jump: Jason Statham, Colin Farrell, and another literary adaptation that is against all odds a bigger mockery of its source material than 2010: Moby Dick.


Chances of me seeing it: 20%. This is a nonsensical and grating trailer for a movie that looks horrible. That said, it's impossible not to like Jason Statham unless you're totally lame. He has true movie star charisma that grabs you and don't let go. He wasn't able to save The Expendables but Transporter 2 and the Crank movies are totally awesome, so I just might consider watching Blitz just for a little Statham magic.

Chances of me liking it: 5%. However, as I said above, this does not look like a good thriller or a good action movie.

Brother's Justice

Chances of me seeing it: 40%. As someone very interested in film, I tend to enjoy movies about making movies, like Living in Oblivion and Bowfinger. This one looks a little bit more masturbatory than usual and I'm not sure if I could stand watching an entire feature shot in washed-out digital video, but decent reviews could persuade me to give it a look.

Chances of me liking it: 15%. If this movie winds up entertaining it will almost certainly be on the backs of what looks like many, many celebrity cameos. Celebrities playing asshole or absurdist versions of themselves usually makes me laugh ("Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian, ACTION! WIZARD! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian..."), so hopefully we get lots of that.

Gulliver's Travels

Chances of me seeing it: 0.001%. This offends me way more than 2010: Moby Dick. Partially because I prefer Jonathan Swift to Herman Melville, but more so because 2010: Moby Dick is obviously an absurdist parody while this film doesn't even have the decency to change its title, so tens of millions of kids (and, let's be honest, this being America, tens of millions of adults too) will for the rest of their lives think of a juvenile Jack Black comedy upon hearing the words "Gulliver's Travels." That disgusts me.

Chances of me liking it: 0%.

London Boulevard

Chances of me seeing it: 95%. Finally, a cool trailer. I'm getting a definite whiff of one of the best crime films of the last decade, In Bruges, and not just because of Colin Farrell using his real accent. The violence, the badassery, the theme of not being able to just walk away from your life as a gangster, it's all there. Mix in the screenwriter of The Departed, the unfathomably awesome Ray Winstone playing the big cheese, and a lot of other cool actors — Eddie Marsan, David Thewlis, Anna Friel — and you got a movie I don't think I can afford to miss.

Chances of me liking it: 60%. Hell, two hours of Ray Winstone being as badass as he is in this trailer alone would be enough for me to recommend it. "You really think I'm gonna let you walk free 'round this planet?"


Chances of me seeing it: 30%. I'm vaguely curious what James Cameron was so impressed by that he attached his name to it, but I didn't really like The Descent that much the first time so I'm not sure why I'd see it all over again only with fewer babes and more water. I'll read the reviews but color me extremely skeptical.

Chances of me liking it: 10%. I'm not remotely claustrophobic, so movies about being trapped in small places never really rocket my pulse that much anyway.

And the week's winner is: London Boulevard by far.

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